2001-2017 (littlestclouds) wrote in badfic_mainline,

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This fic just makes me weep at what the hockey fandom has become. It used to be full of wonderful writing, and now it's just . . . ugh.

I have to repost this fic. I made a mistkake in the characters.
Sorry about that.

Characters: Dave and Sue Andreychuk, Danielle Andreychuk, Jake
Andreychuk, Alex Tanguay
Rating: PG
Summary: After moving from Colorado to Tampa Bay, a teen's
(Danielle Andreychuk) father and mother (Dave and Sue Andreychuk)
force her to hide the fact that she has a baby at home.
Disclaimer: I don't know them, it's all made up. I only own Jake and
Danielle. Two characters that I made up.
A/N: This story deals with Teen Pregnancy. I can give you guys a
better summary
I can explain the story much better: When 16-year-old Danielle
Andreychuk, a model student and superior athlete, finds out that
she's expecting, no one is more surprised than her overbearing
parents, Dave and Sue. After exploring all of her options, Danielle
decides to keep the baby. Her parents agrees, but under one
condition: She must keep the birth a secret.

Dave and Sue wants Danielle to have a normal teenage life, so they
move the family to a new city and state: Tampa Bay, Florida. Both
Dave and Sue insists on raising the newborn as their own son,
Jake Brayden Andreychuk. Resentful at having to start over and
live a complete lie, Danielle begins to experience a major meltdown.
But when another hockey player tries to befriend the troubled teen
mom, it only leads to a whirlwind of chaos and a shocking
outcome for both of them and Danielle's parents and her boyfriend!

Note: Danielle's Pov

In 1996, I got pregnant at 16 with a guy name Alex TanguayI though
who loved me but I was stubborn. I thought the guy really cared
about me and the baby. He lives in another state so that my parents
won't get angry. I miss him but my father is glad that we are not
together. He was 17 at the time.

My dad never trusted me after what happened. I grew up living with
a dad who played hockey. He loved sport and he lived in Ontario
before he ever played hockey professionally. My dad became hostile
towards his family. My dad is Dave Andreychuk, the captain of the
Tampa Bay Lightning.

I dated Alex Tanguay, who was from Quebec and his parents Sylvie and
Gervais really liked me and so did his brothers, Maxime and Vincent
and his sister, Rachel. His sister is about my age and she helped me
tell her brother what had happened. If she hadn't helped me, I think
Alex would have ran away.

If I had a choice, I relive my life and never had sex. I kept the
baby with the help of my parents and I named him Jake Brayden
Andreychuk and he was born on June 23, 1998 in Tampa Bay. I had to
keep him a secret because my dad did not want his reputation ruined.
Alex had tried to come over but my dad wouldn't let him. He told my
dad that he loved me and the baby. He also wanted my dad to know he
is not the type who would abandon his baby like most fathers do when
they a girl knocked up. I miss him and wished that he could come
over. I know he cared about me, I really do.

His parents were really happy that Alex was trying to get into his
kid's life but ws starting to hate my dad for not letting him in.
One day, Alex's parents are going to come down and have a long
discussion with my dad but good luck trying. I knew my dad wouldn't
allow it. After a while, mom got sick and tired of dad's bias ways
and turned her back on him by going on my side. So did my sisters:
Taylor, Caci and Brooke. I love my son ever since he was born. Now I
am here nine years later without Alex, Jake's dad and only with my
son. That was teraing me up the most: living without Dan.

Now, Jake is nine years old and without a dad. He started the 4th
grade and begun loving hockey. I am now 25 and a dance teacher at a
prestigious dance studio. I moved out of my parents home and live
with Vincent Lecavalier and his pregnant fiancee, Carolina. Every
once in while, I take Jake down to the rink and let im watch his
grandad, my dad practice with his teammates. My son has grown on
Vincent. But with Brad, I have no clue why. I mean he doesn't know
him that well. My dad never seemed to care anymore. All the palyers
knew that Jake was my son and Dave's grandson but never knew that
Alex Tanguay was the father. My dad never resolved his issues with
Jake's dad, Dan and his grandmother, Cindy. I really don't believe
my dad ever will. One man who cared for my son never came back
because of my dad. But I knew deep inside my heart that he will. I
want to begun my story before Jake was ever born. Back when I was
freshman at Halifax High School. My dad was playing for the Montreal
Canadians at the time.

This coming from a person who tried to plagiarize someone else's much superior story, then sent it to me (I'm the list mod (I happened to remember when the plagiarized author had posted the original story, so I looked it up and compared the two versions, and like, MELISSA GRISSOM had only changed the names of the characters and the teams)) and THE PERSON SHE FREAKING RIPPED IT OFF FROM to look over it for her. Then she tried to join a hockey RPG group, which required a sample of writing to get in, and posted the other person's story -- the other person happened to be a member of that group. I mean. Come on. How dumb can you possibly be? Christ on a cracker.

I think what really irks me is the fact that her title is grammatically suspect. A love divided by a baby, but divided by a dad. The 'but' throws me off and that ruined the whole thing for me before I even got a chance to read it. Not to mention the fact that the entire thing is grammatically suspet, is (in my estimation) a self-insert Mary Sue-ish fic, and switches from present tense to past so much, it makes my brain hurt. Also? I think the intro and summary combined are longer than the goddamn fic.

She also got the name of Lecavalier's fiancee wrong. :P Details, schmetails.

Of course, I might just be too critical on this person because of my past run-ins with her. But, oh well. I am relentless and mean-spirited.
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